BREADCRUMBS

Jessie Marion King

To the women who have written me…

Since I started this blog I have been blessed and very happy to receive letters from women all over the world. Yes, only women. Women I have never met in person, women willing to connect with one another. And for this, before I go any further, I would like to say thank you! Thank you, for your honesty, for your desire to share and connect. I want you all to know how much I respect your words and how much I value you trusting me with your questions, sentiments and expression. 

The letters I’ve received have two common denominators.  The first is the inherent human need to reach out, to connect, which I absolutely love and find essential to our wroth as women and beings. The second is a sense of loneliness, depression, feeling lost within yourselves and the world.

Many of you have asked for my advice, particularly on this second matter. I do not know that I have any remedy or true advice, but, I will try to accompany you on this path and the only way I know how to do that is by letting you know that you are not alone when it comes to traveling this particular road.

Julia Margaret Cameron

Who am I to give advice? I am a 31 year old woman in diapers, who makes mistakes constantly, gets confused more than 3 times a day, questions everything and very much like all of you, is searching for something beyond the horizon. Beyond the palpable, sometimes not even knowing what that "something" is exactly. But we can feel it, right? We can sense its arrival and departure. That "something" that transforms us in a matter of seconds. That which makes us happy and fulfilled: Our light.


I know the search you all write about. Sometimes this search leads me to glorious green gardens, flowing with discovery, a land that feels comfortable and a lot like home. Other times, out of nowhere this search can also lead me to unknown lands, also of discovery, but where I am constantly tested. Lands, where the only way to come back is by peering inside, and trusting wholeheartedly that my soul knows the way. Lands, that, test your faith, primarily the faith in yourself.

In the travels between these lands, we all tend to get lost, find ourselves, and eventually get lost all over again. I believe thats the formula to exploration, revelation and transformation.

Gabriel Munter

I want you all to know that I hear you, I see you, or actually, in this case I read you. I know that room without an exit door of which you speak of. The loneliness of the soul, the life that collapses as if it were made of sand and water, the weariness that slowly shatters the bones, the anger that numbs the jaw. I know well how it feels to be blind with eyes that see, deaf with ears that hear, insane with a working mind and vibrating soul, paralyzed whilst having feet and legs that walk, alone even when arms embrace you.

I know the road you are on. I've traveled it before, at various times of my short life and I still travel it occasionally. I want you to know that it is not wrong to find yourself on this unsteady road. I also want you to know that there is a way out. There is balance, there is light, there is peace and there is love. But all these wonders are not found at the end of this obscure road, they are found during the travels.

Pierre Bonnard

Forgive me for not being able to address each of your situations individually. I can however, distinguish that the majority seem to spring from a place of feeling rejected and therefore alone and fearful of solitude.

The only place I can speak from is experience. And from that very young experience, I can tell you that we are never truly alone, even in solitude. You always have yourself. And that's the best company, friendship and most important relationship you will ever have and know. Do not be afraid of solitude. Solitude is a great friend of mine. I miss her when we are distant. I yearn for her as I yearn for a long walk early in the morning when the fog begins to retreat to a place I've never seen or been, but hope to some day find. Solitude is a wonderful companion and teacher.

Henri Emile Benoit Matisse

Dear ladies, there are so many things in all of you to be proud of.  As far as I can read, you are all incredibly sensitive beings, willing to be vulnerable enough to share with me your questions, doubts, fears and desires. Lovely writers and avid readers. Be proud of your eagerness to feel, for that reflects your boundless capacity to love. And that ladies, as far as I am concerned is the talent of all talents. Feel pride in the brave honesty and rooted humility you must posses to be able to accept the pains, the doubts, the sorrows, the mistakes, and to have the courage to reveal them to yourself and others. Feel pride in being a women that does not succumb to the quiet, submissive, unquestioning model that we have been made to believe the female gender should be. Feel pride in your search, your spirited travels. Feel pride of the road that is your life. However it may look like from the outside. No matter the amount of bumps or holes on it. This all is what defines the woman you are and will become. Take pride in every single miniscule step.

Do not escape your road, do not stop traveling within yourselves; face your road, for it is yours and only yours.

Ramon Casas i Carbo

I too, like some of you expressed, have a tendency to see the dark side of the world and of people. I think all very sensitive people have that burdening blessing. We feel it all and we feel it greatly.  But we must learn to see the light as well and fortify our bond with it. It's a muscle we must learn to strengthen. I practice this every day. Some days its easier than others. For many years now, I have worked on creating my own light, my own torch. Be it by reading, writing, taking walks, being surrounded by my dearest ones (animals included), meditation, exercise, being in nature, therapy, learning from people I admire. So I may be able to be my own guide when dusk comes knocking.  I also try to live in a perpetual state of gratefulness. And when I cant seem to find or stay grounded to this grateful state, I go back to the things, places and people where I know I can find my light.

So, create that light for yourselves. Do more of what makes your spirit blossom. Do more of what makes you breathe easier. That is where you will find your light. Be yourself undoubtedly, even if the world responds with a closed door, or a closed up heart. 

Peter Severin Kroyer

This is your life dear women, and only you can build it. Whatever it is you decide to do, whatever path you choose to take, always remember that the world would be better if there were more women like the women who wrote me these letters. And it is for this very significant reason that life and this world needs you. Few have the guts to walk this scary but adventurous road. Write the story of that journey and immortalize it with pen and paper so that one day, hopefully, it will serve someone else. Be the breadcrumbs in the middle of a forest that brings them home.

So, go put on your wings and take flight. Focus on the beauty that surrounds you every day and be thankful (even though it can be hard at times) for the blessings that life gave you. Strengthen that bond with yourselves.  Sew the seeds of who you are to your core. Own the tale you were meant to tell. Shine YOUR light, even when nobody else seems to see it. The universe, God, life….sees it. And now gratefully and humbly so do I. 

Pablo Picasso

I hope to find you all well. 

I hope that this letter reaches you all and creates something within you. Anything. Whatever that "something" may be.   

I am here. Though in a distant land, and time, and without having seen each other’s eyes, we are now connected.  I am proud to know you. Again, I thank you for reading and writing me.

I believe this is the road that creates wisdom dear ladies! Find comfort in that.

I send you all love, wherever you may be, the wind’s back will carry it...

Duende, siempre duende.

-N.